is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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