i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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