I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
