her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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