hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
