Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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