Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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