Is it because I queefed?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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