I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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