i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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