i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
