I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
vagina is talking i cant
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
