Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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