I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
