Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
