Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
