I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
