im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
