turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
