You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
