I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
