; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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