Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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