and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
