What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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