How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize