paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
