My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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