i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
