Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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