he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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