im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
