Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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