There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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