honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
