I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
