Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
