I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
