You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hippo gnu deer
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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