i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
