what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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