Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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