It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
