My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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