he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize