I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize