WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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