Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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