so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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