I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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