You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize