So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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