Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
