Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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