My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
