i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
