what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
