U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
another moral hangover. fuck.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
