Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
