Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
