im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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