she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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