all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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