would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
