So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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