Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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