This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
