random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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