I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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