Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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